Sunday, July 20, 2008

How Not to Conduct a Move

1. Hire Starving Students to facilitate the move. My favorite quote from a friend who heard of the fiasco after the fact: "They need money for books!"

Our move date was a Monday. We had also failed to show up at many of the recent move-in move-out occassions within our ward. One plus one = we felt bad seeking help in our latest move. Starving Students seemed to be a cheap and guilt-free alternative, abuot $400 above the cost of the rental truck. Worth it, in theory.

The Students turned out to be three enormous middle-aged men who, if size is any indication, are not starving at all, nor, if age or demeanor any indication, students (unless you count that they are still learning how to function as professional movers, as they demonstrated very clearly over then next 13 hours). I suppose I was naive to actually expect students to arrive. Students of something besides slowly learning how to move, that is. They were being paid by the hour, so I realize that they could put 1 and 1 and 1 and 1 etc together, too.

They had the requesting tips skill down pat, however, with the steady reminder to Brigham: "We accept tips, you know! We accept tips, man!" Maybe they meant tips on how to pick up furniture and remove it from the home and put it on the truck. They did certainly need some tips on how to accomplish that.

2. If, at 7 pm, your to-be departed home still looks like it did that morning, choose not to call the ward Elders Quorom.

Brigham resisted my advice, to all our later doom. He didn't return to my parents' house, where we had to sleep that night, until 4am, as he had to help the starving students unload in Oakton. I figure that cosmic justice should have dictated that we get some extra help, as I spent many summers during college with my disabled vetran father and teenage sister helping people in his ward move. Maybe I used up my dues with the excessive help the Cannon family provided when we left SLC and again when we moved into our DC apt. Thanks again, you guys!

3. Choose a night when it is supposed to rain.

After loading up the truck in a supremely space-unconscious manner, the starving students raced through the rain on Route 66. Unfortunately, this was the first time they demonstrated any attempt at speed. The students ended up clipping a tree with the top of the truck and crashing with another motorist. Now will they ahve to go to driving school on top of their already burdensome course load?

4. Hang on to every piece of junk you have ever possessed.

The way I look at it, every time you move, you are essentially repurchasing your things bc it can be so expensive to relocate. Most of my stuff is second hand and crappy. Surely I could have parted with it, but I didn't. When will I learn this lesson?!

5. Hopefully, one of your children will become violently ill during the night.

Just as I was getting Willsie to sleep, I heard Andrew crying out from his room at my parents' house. Mom took Will and I went in to Andrew, only to discover his totally covered in vomit. He did not stop crying or throwing up all during the bath I put him in. He eventually fell back to sleep, poor little guy. I was so lucky my mom was there.

We are finally mostly settled, unless you look inside the master bedroom, which you won't. We invited some friends over last night, served them pulled pork and then had them help us move a couch. Internet set up, things mostly put away, we are feeling good. Despite how much I was dreading the move and how much I do miss aspects of life in DC, as soon as I walked in the door of our box-clogged townhouse, I felt a huge sense of relief.

Special and huge thanks to Mom and Dani for spending hours and hours helping out. It would have been so much worse without you!


Monica Merced Rich said...

I want to see pictures of your new place! Sounds like a terrible experience, but you must be glad to be there.

Carolina said...

Your description of the "starving" "students" is hilarious. Congratulations on being out of your old place, and good luck getting settled in the new one. I'm tired of moving. Next time, I'm just going to sell my house with all the belongings inside and buy all new stuff, as you suggest.

Allie said...

Worst case scenarios are so much funnier when not experience first hand. This post was so funny, that I read it all aloud to Ben who agreed we should never hire Starving Students.

I hope you are able to really get settled in to your new place. It is always so tricky to figure out how to arrange the furniture that fit so perfectly in the last place, and less perfectly in the new place. At least that has been our experience.

Allie said...

Cute pictures of your boys, by the way. How awful to be dealing with a sick child after all the stress of the move!